My Story, How I Got My Life Back on Track
21 -year-old “John” first tried drugs in high school. What started off making him feel happy soon led to fear, anger, broken family relationships & jail. Today, he's turned his life around and is committed to helping other teens in trouble free themselves from substance abuse. This is his story (”John’s” named has been changed to protect his identity):
My Youth
I grew up in the small town. My home town is a small, rural community that seemed like a perfect place to grow up — it has even been rated one of the "nicest places to live in America." My parents were good Christian people who tried to teach me and my siblings right from wrong. I craved attention and approval and I see now how this “craving” led me into the”party life” later on. I was a boxer, and football player. I was a talented athlete and became popular because of my abilities. I let all of this go to my head, and friends became more important than my family. I started lying to my parents, and started going to parties, drinking became a weekly event for me in 9th grade.
My First Hit
When I first tried drugs in high school I was just looking to have fun. The first time I got high I felt as if I had finally found what I was looking for — I don't even know what IT was. I think I was satisfying some innate teenage curiosity. Then the guilt and disgust with myself began eating away at me, so I needed to escape again, and again. Thus began the viscous cycle of getting high to drown out my feelings of shame, guilt & anger.
My life became a downward spiral. I liked the way drugs made me think, feel and behave. They gave me a false sense of security. No matter what was going wrong in my life, when I got high, it all went away. Drugs also helped me make friends and gain popularity in school.
Drugs, rock music, girls and parties became my life. I hid behind sports as the cover story with my parents, to hide what I was really doing. But my partying was impacting my ability to box or play football . It didn’t help that my boxing coach was a pot head, or that he was more than willing to share his stash with me. My mom was on to me and kept telling my dad that she was concerned that I was doing drugs, but he wouldn’t believe her until the day she found weed in my car, and showed him.
My Darkest Moment
My life was so out of control the guilt of the lie I was living was eating me alive. I was raised Catholic and had enough of a love for God and a Christian conscience that I knew what I was doing was wrong. It was this guilt that brought me to the point one night when I was drunk and high and driving home from a party, I tried to kill myself by driving my car off a cliff!
The amazing thing was that I was turning the steering wheel as hard as I could but it would not budge! The harder I tried to turn the wheel the stronger the pull of the car was to stay on the road! I knew at that moment that it was Gods grace and will that kept me alive that night
in spite of my self. That night was a real turning point in my life and was a wake up call for me, because when I got home my dad was there at the door waiting for me! Lets just say that
he saw through my lies and saw that truth of what I was becoming. I now thank God that My mom and dad cared about me enough to give me the tough love I needed to get my life back
on track.
The Tragedy That was a Blessing In Disguise
It was only a couple of weeks later that my best friend who I helped get into drugs, overdosed on a combination of drugs and alcohol and almost died! This shook me to the core and I couldn’t help but feel responsible for what happened to him, I knew in my heart that he would not have gotten into the drugs if I hadn’t pressured him into it!
This was followed by several other close friends being killed in a car accident because they were drinking and driving.
My Parents Reaction
My parents had enough of my lying, stealing, and partying. So I was put under house arrest.
I sneaked out one night, hooked up with some friends who had the “goods” needed to make my troubles go away. Little did I know that these “goodies" would be the cause of my problems only getting bigger (don’t we all fall for that LIE? they always make our problems bigger!!)
I got pulled over while I was swerving down the road that night and the police officer did a
breathalyser on me which showed I was very drunk. Then he looked at my eyes, suspected drug use and then did a car search. This night ended up with me in jail and a sentence of
12 weeks in the clink for being a “minor in possession, and possession of illegal substance.
I was required by court order to go through treatment for substance abuse. My parents were loving but firm with me, they made it clear to me that they were not going to stand by and watch me destroy my life!
It was their love, prayers and decision to send me to Mount Carmel Youth Ranch that got me through this darkness that had engulfed me. Mount Carmel Youth Ranch Helped me see why I made the bad choices that led me into this labyrinth of self destruction. With their help I knew I needed to dig down deep and ask for forgiveness from my parents, siblings, and from God. I knew also that it was going to take hard work and determination to get out of this web of destruction that I was tangled up in. But I was determined not to return to that toxic life!
Why I Changed
I was sick of hurting all the time; sick and tired of the addiction, and the guilt and shame I brought on to myself because of it. I had experienced too much pain in my life because of my own choices and doing drugs and alcohol was no longer something that gave me pleasure — it was something that had controlled and ruined my life. My experience of working on the ranch, the clean air, the work that was real, helped me to discover a new sense of self worth
in who I was. I liked the man I became at Mount Carmel, rather than a selfish boy. I liked working with my hands caring for the animals. There was something about the beauty, starkness and simplicity of life on the ranch that forced me to stop blaming others for my problems. I really felt God healing me from the inside out!
My Life Today
Today I am clean and sober, after that darkness was turned into light, I never wanted to return to that disgusting feeling of being out of control and a slave to my addictions. With the help of Mount Carmel Youth Ranch, I discovered along the way that this is not a disease but a choice! I made the choice to drink and I made the choice to do drugs. I made the choice to keep doing them, and I made the choice to believe the lie that they were making my life fun and exciting! When I finally woke up to the reality of this LIE, and took responsibility for my choices I saw the reality of how I let the “party life” consume me. I let this lie control my life and I led friends into this snare at a high price.
I thank God for my parents and their decision to send me to Mount Carmel Youth Ranch, it was their “tough love” for me that saved me from the self-destructive path that I was on. Now I have a deeper love and respect for my parents, my self and for others. I like who I am now and I know that I will never again choose the lie over the happiness that a clean and sober life brings! Thank you mom and dad, for sending me to Mount Carmel Youth Ranch!
My Youth
I grew up in the small town. My home town is a small, rural community that seemed like a perfect place to grow up — it has even been rated one of the "nicest places to live in America." My parents were good Christian people who tried to teach me and my siblings right from wrong. I craved attention and approval and I see now how this “craving” led me into the”party life” later on. I was a boxer, and football player. I was a talented athlete and became popular because of my abilities. I let all of this go to my head, and friends became more important than my family. I started lying to my parents, and started going to parties, drinking became a weekly event for me in 9th grade.
My First Hit
When I first tried drugs in high school I was just looking to have fun. The first time I got high I felt as if I had finally found what I was looking for — I don't even know what IT was. I think I was satisfying some innate teenage curiosity. Then the guilt and disgust with myself began eating away at me, so I needed to escape again, and again. Thus began the viscous cycle of getting high to drown out my feelings of shame, guilt & anger.
My life became a downward spiral. I liked the way drugs made me think, feel and behave. They gave me a false sense of security. No matter what was going wrong in my life, when I got high, it all went away. Drugs also helped me make friends and gain popularity in school.
Drugs, rock music, girls and parties became my life. I hid behind sports as the cover story with my parents, to hide what I was really doing. But my partying was impacting my ability to box or play football . It didn’t help that my boxing coach was a pot head, or that he was more than willing to share his stash with me. My mom was on to me and kept telling my dad that she was concerned that I was doing drugs, but he wouldn’t believe her until the day she found weed in my car, and showed him.
My Darkest Moment
My life was so out of control the guilt of the lie I was living was eating me alive. I was raised Catholic and had enough of a love for God and a Christian conscience that I knew what I was doing was wrong. It was this guilt that brought me to the point one night when I was drunk and high and driving home from a party, I tried to kill myself by driving my car off a cliff!
The amazing thing was that I was turning the steering wheel as hard as I could but it would not budge! The harder I tried to turn the wheel the stronger the pull of the car was to stay on the road! I knew at that moment that it was Gods grace and will that kept me alive that night
in spite of my self. That night was a real turning point in my life and was a wake up call for me, because when I got home my dad was there at the door waiting for me! Lets just say that
he saw through my lies and saw that truth of what I was becoming. I now thank God that My mom and dad cared about me enough to give me the tough love I needed to get my life back
on track.
The Tragedy That was a Blessing In Disguise
It was only a couple of weeks later that my best friend who I helped get into drugs, overdosed on a combination of drugs and alcohol and almost died! This shook me to the core and I couldn’t help but feel responsible for what happened to him, I knew in my heart that he would not have gotten into the drugs if I hadn’t pressured him into it!
This was followed by several other close friends being killed in a car accident because they were drinking and driving.
My Parents Reaction
My parents had enough of my lying, stealing, and partying. So I was put under house arrest.
I sneaked out one night, hooked up with some friends who had the “goods” needed to make my troubles go away. Little did I know that these “goodies" would be the cause of my problems only getting bigger (don’t we all fall for that LIE? they always make our problems bigger!!)
I got pulled over while I was swerving down the road that night and the police officer did a
breathalyser on me which showed I was very drunk. Then he looked at my eyes, suspected drug use and then did a car search. This night ended up with me in jail and a sentence of
12 weeks in the clink for being a “minor in possession, and possession of illegal substance.
I was required by court order to go through treatment for substance abuse. My parents were loving but firm with me, they made it clear to me that they were not going to stand by and watch me destroy my life!
It was their love, prayers and decision to send me to Mount Carmel Youth Ranch that got me through this darkness that had engulfed me. Mount Carmel Youth Ranch Helped me see why I made the bad choices that led me into this labyrinth of self destruction. With their help I knew I needed to dig down deep and ask for forgiveness from my parents, siblings, and from God. I knew also that it was going to take hard work and determination to get out of this web of destruction that I was tangled up in. But I was determined not to return to that toxic life!
Why I Changed
I was sick of hurting all the time; sick and tired of the addiction, and the guilt and shame I brought on to myself because of it. I had experienced too much pain in my life because of my own choices and doing drugs and alcohol was no longer something that gave me pleasure — it was something that had controlled and ruined my life. My experience of working on the ranch, the clean air, the work that was real, helped me to discover a new sense of self worth
in who I was. I liked the man I became at Mount Carmel, rather than a selfish boy. I liked working with my hands caring for the animals. There was something about the beauty, starkness and simplicity of life on the ranch that forced me to stop blaming others for my problems. I really felt God healing me from the inside out!
My Life Today
Today I am clean and sober, after that darkness was turned into light, I never wanted to return to that disgusting feeling of being out of control and a slave to my addictions. With the help of Mount Carmel Youth Ranch, I discovered along the way that this is not a disease but a choice! I made the choice to drink and I made the choice to do drugs. I made the choice to keep doing them, and I made the choice to believe the lie that they were making my life fun and exciting! When I finally woke up to the reality of this LIE, and took responsibility for my choices I saw the reality of how I let the “party life” consume me. I let this lie control my life and I led friends into this snare at a high price.
I thank God for my parents and their decision to send me to Mount Carmel Youth Ranch, it was their “tough love” for me that saved me from the self-destructive path that I was on. Now I have a deeper love and respect for my parents, my self and for others. I like who I am now and I know that I will never again choose the lie over the happiness that a clean and sober life brings! Thank you mom and dad, for sending me to Mount Carmel Youth Ranch!
posted by At risk youth at
10:41 AM
5 Comments:
Wow, what a powerful story. John is a great testament to the good being done at Mt Carmel Youth Ranch. Mount Carmel is incredible.
This goes to show that there is a true need for programs like Mount Carmel Youth Ranch. What leads a teen like John to changing at Mount Carmel Youth Ranch?
My son has been at Mt. Carmel for almost six months. He is finally starting to take responsibility for his actions. He is sounding so mature on the phone. When I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he said nothing, that we had already spent so much money on him. I am "falling in love" with him all over again. I am always so happy to talk with Mt. Carmel staff who are so patient, spiritual, and supportive. I know on so many levels that God wanted our son to be at Mt. Carmel to find his maturity. I am positive now that we made the right decision. Mt. Carmel is truly a miracle happening!
What does Mount Carmel Youth Ranch offer parents that send there boys to this program?
I am crying while reading this story. I am raising my 14 year old grandson who has taken many steps toward the "Dark Side" of life. Listening to your story shows a path of distruction that he may be on. He is a great athlete, good student, but makes many bad choices. I pray for the day that he sees what "lies" ahead for him.
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